Something different

I’m looking for a job again for the first time in a while, and the first few days of resume revisions and calls with recruiters were a reminder of how much I sometimes struggle to describe myself, at least in a way that captures the more nuanced or subjective qualities I tend to value most. How does one capture curiosity or humility or a sense of perspective in a way that a complete stranger can understand and appreciate, beyond just taking your word for it?

Well, after leaving the workforce three years ago to spend my time doing something entirely different, I’ve decided I might as well try something different as I reenter it, too.

In addition to being helpful 8th-grade writing advice, “Show, don’t tell” is a bit of a personal credo of mine, and that’s what I plan to do here. I’ve decided to start posting some of my writing — although it makes me innately uncomfortable — in the hope of better illustrating some of the more subtle qualities integral to who I am, what I do, and how I think. Consider it an attempt at a long-form replacement for the “Excellent communication skills” and “Critical thinker” bullets on a resume.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who can be a bit difficult to get to know, which is an acknowledgment of my struggle to feel known or understood while also recognizing that I don’t exactly make it easy for people. Historically I’ve either hoped that everyone just sort of figures me out eventually, or I’ve volunteered bits and pieces that felt pertinent in the moment but might present at best a limited or skewed version of who I am and what I care about.

Neither has made for a particularly effective approach.

I heard from many a boss or colleague — generally as I was leaving the company — that they felt they figured me out too late, and wished I had been put to better use. Or that they once assumed I was cold, standoffish, overly serious (or an asshole!) and were gratified to realize that I was none of those things.

Dating was worse. Predictably, the Millennial dating app formula of pithy profiles and short quips did not exactly play to my strengths (to the point that I responded by satirizing the experience in no less than 2000 words), and when I finally met the woman I would go on to marry, it was only because I gave up on presenting myself as someone I thought others would want to see, and instead decided to lean into being the weirdest, truest version of myself, wherever that might lead.

All of which is to say, while I realize emphasizing one’s weirdest qualities might not be an advisable strategy in a corporate setting, almost without exception, all of the best things to ever have happened to me came only after I abandoned the posturing and artifice and started speaking in my own voice.

And my own voice tends to the qualitative over the quantifiable, the why over the what, the illustrative (and yes, occasionally verbose) anecdote over the pithy soundbite. So rather than attempt to present myself in summary, to accurately capture my capabilities and potential in a line or two while using the right keywords, I’m doing it my way, and taking a less direct approach.

I’m planning to write here periodically over the next few weeks, without any explicit goal or rigid structure or particular schedule — just an exercise in putting a little bit more of myself out there, to see what comes back. Until then—